A reflection on maternity leave/parenthood

Well, here we are- on the precipice of returning to work and the culmination of my two and a half months of maternity leave. I have very mixed feelings about the return to work- I am so excited to see my colleagues again (Hilary, I missed you!), to be intellectually stimulated and to help contribute to our family once again. But I am also very sad to be handing Henry off to a stranger (and fortunately, also his Noni) where he will be fed from bottles and not see my face for 8 hour stretches. The longest we've ever been apart was for 3 hours when I had to submit my fall grades at the beginning of December. I can't help but wonder- will he recognize my face when I pick him up? Will he miss me? I hope so.

It's amazing how becoming a parent has helped Andrew and me assess our own strengths and weaknesses- and how it has challenged us in many ways.

For instance, Andrew has always told me that he wishes he had more patience and that he thinks that it is one of my strengths; I never really thought much of it until I saw it put into practice with Henry. There have been many mornings about 5am when I was bouncing Henry back and forth in what felt like a state of 70% sleep/30% awake for as long as it took for Henry to pass through his digestive troubles.

On the other hand, Drew is completely at ease with a restaurant full of people staring at us when Henry is screaming bloody murder and I completely tense up and want to go bounce him or nurse him somewhere far, far away from judging eyes. Andrew is right, of course- who cares what others think- but for me, as a mother, I'm still trying to build up my confidence in my parenting capabilities and I like doing so without an audience. I still giggle at Andrew's story of trying to go to the restroom with Henry in his arms... there was recollection of Drew scooting through the men's room with his jeans around his knees- trying to get Henry to the changing table so he could have both hands to buckle his belt again (something he didn't really think all the way through when he unbuckled it!) But he came out of that men's room beaming at his first silly fathering mishap, and that's the best way to get through these new, unfamiliar challenges. I must admit, I'm much harder on myself when I do something clunky, and I should work on reacting more like Drew does.

As I might've mentioned, Henry and I moved into the nursery after a few failed attempts to get through the night (and subsequent day) as a family sleeping in the same room. Andrew's days during the football season were sometimes 15+ hours and getting woken up every hour and a half was just not helpful to making it through such long days. But those weeks in the nursery ended up being a very special time for Henry and me. I would put on the same playlist of piano music (and some instrumentals from Little Women) that I used during Henry's labor and birth, and in the dim light of the lamp we would pray and thank God for our safe and beautiful delivery and then sleep-nurse-sleep-nurse, sometimes repeated 7 or 8 times throughout the night until Henry would give me the long, arched stretches that would signal our night was over and our day had begun. I think back to his disheveled hair and his cheeks all pink from the pressure of sleep and I wonder how time can move so slowly yet so quickly all at once. As my friend Alisha told me, with a newborn, the days are long but the time is short- isn't that the truth.

Henry one morning in the nursery

I can't say that I would like to go back and relive the difficulty that accompanies sleep deprivation (and I'm really only getting about 3 hour stretches at most, still), but the memories of the nights in the nursery will forever be a little treasure for me to carry forward into the story of me and my son.

And, those of you who know me well know how much I cherish a good night's sleep and a long, uniterrupted nap- both of which have eluded me since Henry's birth- but I'm learning that being a parent means learning self-sacrifice of which many of us (me especially) have not experienced much at all. I think it is especially difficult for women like me, who have our first child in our late 20s or 30s and have had 3 decades worth of practice of living with our own wills dictating our every move- to have to set aside much of the freedom (at least for awhile) that we are so used to. I never thought I was taking the following things for granted: hopping in the car to run a quick errand, making a sandwich and eating it without interruption, sometimes even having enough time to shampoo my hair!

Life was much easier without Henry, but it was also significantly less rich. I can't wait to see how else having Henry in our lives will deepen our characters and will provide us with more unbuckled pants stories. And I keep trying to remind myself, going back to work doesn't mean my time with my baby is over, just that it will change and, like everything else, we will adjust.

Henry's 8th week: New traditions?

As I mentioned in a previous post, we want to start putting up outside lights during the Thanksgiving break, but really, that will probably end up being a father and son tradition. So I decided that a nice tradition to start- that I could be more involved in- is contributing to Toys for Tots. I'd like Henry to pick out a toy he wants for Christmas and we'll donate it. Obviously, in the beginning, he won't be mature enough to handle giving away his new toy, so we'll probably buy two, but I want him to be joyful in giving to others- and I want him to be thankful for all we have. This year, I picked a train toy (yep!) and my little bear slept through the donation, but there will be many more years for him to place the toy in the pile.

So I initially got my camera out to capture this freshy-bathed babe (in a towel purchased by his Daddy of course)...

But it turned out to be a photo shoot of Henry and his new best friend. Lady has recently decided that this little intruder might be all right after all, and really likes being near Henry, so she popped in the pic unexpectedly to give him a kiss!

She is also very attentive to his cries- she runs right over to lick him and then looks at me as if to say, "He needs our help and licking's not working!"
I love Henry's expression- c'mon Lady, we're in the middle of a photo shoot!

It's amazing how much changes in 8 weeks! Henry is so much more alert and has really increased the baby babble. He makes coos and goos at us and at his toys, and he is really starting to hold his head up on his own. If I have him facing my chest, he'll push off and want to hold his head independent from me and look around.

Other than that, we've really been enjoying the coziness of the Christmas season. We decorated the tree as a family and yesterday we made gingerbread men.


Even as I'm enjoying all of this, I am also starting to mourn the fact that I will be going back to work soon. I love the people I work with and I need to go back, but it will be so hard to give up having Henry 24 hours a day. He's been constantly with me (including the interior) since last January, and I finally understand why moms cry when their children go off to Kindergarten- the bond between parent and child is one that will probably never cease to amaze me. Watch La Vita e Bella if you have any doubt.

Henry: weeks 4-7

I know most of you don't care about Henry's little developments, but there are some very important grandparents on the west coast, and these blogs are created with them in mind.

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Little H has had a busy month!

Henry finally started to take the pacifier in week 5 or so... thank goodness!

Henry started to fill out about this time, and when we went in to the doctor at 1 month, he had just gone through a big growth spurt. I said to the nurse who was weighing him, "I hope he is at least 8.4... that would be a great rate of growth" and she said, "Mama, he's 9.8!" I made her zero out the scale and do it again because I didn't believe her! Here are some 1 month pictures:

Smiles! Henry's smiles went from really short, fleeting, "I'm content" smiles to really long, reactive smiles. He first smiled responsively at Drew, then the next day he did it to me, and now I can get him to smile pretty easily if his eyes are locked on mine. He also loves smiling at his toys (well, for the first 30 minutes, then he seems to get frustrated with them!)

I had to include this "like father, like son" picture. Everyone on Facebook has seen it- but it hasn't lost its charm for me... they had no idea their arms were in the exact same positions!

In other developments, Henry shed most of his dark hair (except for this silly little patch at the back) and the little bit that's left seems to be a light brown color. His eyebrows are still a strawberry blonde color- so we're at a loss to predict what his hair will look like when it actually grows longer. His eyes are still blue at 7 weeks, but we won't know for sure if they will stay blue for a couple more months.

Henry also had his first Thanksgiving! We were able to share it with my folks and my sister-in-law's family, the Morgans. It was a lovely, relaxing day!

In his special outfit- Daddy's favorite!

With Uncle To and Aunt Mo

With Noni and Pawpaw

My favorite kind of butterball :)

Drew and I have never done outside lights since we've been married, and we decided that maybe we should start that tradition now that Henry is here.

Mama is not a fan of seeing Daddy on the angled roof... I just need to go inside and not watch these things.

Henry and Drew laying on his truck, admiring their work

And of course, some kisses for good measure!

And Henry joined our brigade to the Christmas tree farm this year!

I love this beautiful picture of my handsome men!

Next year, he'll be much more into picking the tree!

Hmmm... which one should we get?

Found a good one!

As we enter week 8, Henry is on the verge of giggles. He has solitary "hehs" and "goos" that clearly denote excitement and glee, all he needs to do is put them together in a longer string! He seems to spend a long time each day interacting with his toys. Today, he grabbed a part of his toy and put it in his mouth (uh-oh... time to be vigilant). He is advancing so much during tummy time, too. During two sessions, he kicked off and twisted his bottom half into the air, in an attempt to roll from front to back, and he can lift his head for several seconds at a time, even though he doesn't push up very far off his chest.

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We sure do love our little guy and each little Henry smile produces amplified smiled in his parents :) Ok, I'm pooped. Don't expect me to keep this up when works starts again!

A picture-perfect autumn week

Henry had his first holiday last week- Halloween! Of course he slept through the pictures...

...and through the beautiful autumn walk

He also met his Uncle Toby and Aunt Monica for the first time!

They already love him to pieces!

A picture with Pawpaw

This was our first family picture, and Drew had come straight home from coaching, so he's not too thrilled with out it turned out! Don't worry- there will be many more where that came from

But he loves his baby boy so much

As does his mama

The main development last week was with his hands; he started grabbing my hair and holding it tight in his fists, and will sort of bat at a toy with his hand if it's close enough.

And since he's currently sleeping... I'm going to try and grab a nap, too!

Henry's second week

What happened during Henry's second week?

-Noni and I gave him his first bath (now that the cord is off)... and he seemed to like it!





-Upon further examination of Henry's features, Drew and I discovered that Henry might have some goofy little ears! Andrew's ears are large- mine are small but they stick out- and it seems like Henry's ears are starting to poke out a little. Andrew's response: "oh well, he'll find someone who loves everything about him, including his ears. After all, you and I found each other!"

-Henry met his first baby friend, Charlotte (and her mama), this week- and although we took pictures, the memory card wasn't in the camera! Boo! We'll try again soon :)

-I decided that Henry's messy bed head hair is the cutest thing in the world



-Henry had his 2 week checkup and needed to be back at his birthweight- 6.12, and he was a little over 7.5, so his weight gain is going well (And it's no wonder, he's feeding every hour and a half...)


-Henry had three new visitors- Jenny, Hilary and Sierra- who brought delicious meals over for us! A huge thanks to Hilary for setting up the Meal Train... I am so thankful I haven't had to cook! And after waiting almost a whole week, Pawpaw got a chance to see his grandson again.

Two funny moments from this week:

During tummy time, Henry successfully turned his head from one side to the other, but not without lots of struggle that produced lots and lots of baby farts!



Even after I tried so hard to cover his penis during the diaper change at the doctor's office, Henry waited until I was almost finished and moved my hand to let the wee wee spray all over the doctor's table. He soaked that paper lining!

A beautiful moment from this week:

Drew had his two boys, Henry in one arm, and Sawyer in the other, and I joined them on the couch. Lady came over and, wanting join her pack but not seeing any space, had to get creative. She jumped on the couch from the back, and carved out a little nook behind the couch cushion- something she's never done before. Hey- if you want to fit five bodies one couch, sacrifices must be made! But it's the first time the five of us have been "together" in any sense. I loved it.

Henry's first week/ Grandma Mitchell's visit

Henry had his first long-distance visitor this week. Grandma Mitchell wasn't schedule to arrive until today (10 days after his birth), but simply couldn't wait to meet him. So she booked a crazy, last-minute ticket (that included four planes each way!) just so she could meet her grandson right away. She spent tireless days cooking, cleaning, and, of course, helping with Henry. I've never known anyone to be so enthusiastic about changing a diaper- Grandmas are a special breed :) She got to be there for Henry's homecoming/ his introduction to the dogs, his first trip to the pediatric office and his umbilical cord falling off. It pains us that the Mitchell grandparents are so far away, but we will find ways to stay close through pictures and Skype. We miss you already, Mom, and we love you!

What I learned about Henry this week:

Well, it was his first week, so the obvious answer is "everything," but here are some highlights:

-Nothing in the world beats his newborn smell. I never really knew what people meant when they talked about a "newborn smell"- babies are still just humans, right? But it's amazing how strong and distinctive his smell is- especially to Drew and me, I imagine. I hope it's not like new car smell that fades way too fast!


-His hands and feet are disporpotionately large! We obviously know where this comes from, but I'm still not sure if it correlates to height.


-He forms sweet little smiles even though he doesn't yet know what they mean. At this point, it doesn't matter... it's just an awesome preview of what's to come.


-He sneezes just like his Dad. Andrew always sneezes multiple times in a row (I, alas, am a single-sneezer) and Henry is a multi-sneezer! It's fun to discover traits beyond just the empirical.


-He and the dogs will coexist in harmony. They are really interested in sniffing him, but always keep a gentle distance.
A beautiful moment from this week:

In the early days when Henry and I weren't getting the best latch for feeding, Drew came and sat behind us in bed to lend a helping hand. I know what you're thinking: how many adults does it take to feed an infant? Well, let's just say, four hands were helpful at the beginning. So there we are, this brand new family of three, all working together to try and get Henry fed. It was really beautiful.

Henry's birth

I've noticed that the story of Henry's birth takes me a long time to tell, so I thought I'd write it down here and those who care can read it, and those who don't can be spared all of the miniscule details. I think it takes me a long time to tell because everything was such a blur that day and retelling it helps me remember some of the details.

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I delivered Henry without any pain medication. It feels so surreal to write that! I was always undecided about getting an epidural, but Drew and I were pretty convinced that I would end up with one, considering what a wimp I am when it comes to pain. But with the incredible help from Drew and Lindsey the awesome labor doula (and my mom in early labor), I was able to push through the pain and deliver Henry naturally.

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On Thursday morning (10/13) I woke up with what I thought were more Braxton Hicks, but these seemed to be a little extra painful. But I'd had a false alarm two days before, so I didn't get too excited because I'd been wrong on Tuesday. However, the contractions seemed to keep going and so I called my mom over to time them while I tried to go back to sleep. They were erratic, but certainly not going anywhere. The pups were right with me in bed as the contractions started to increase in intensity and I started having to do deep breathing through them. I noticed that the pain seemed to be more in my back that in my stomach (which is called back labor and it's awful!), so I jumped in the tub to try and ease the pain a little . My mom was advised to push on my tailbone really hard when the contraction started to help ease the pressure a little bit, but it was about this point that we decided to get the car packed up with the hospital bags and get checked out in triage (Drew was still at work). I ended up having to wait in the waiting room for probably 45 minutes before even being put in a gown- so I was bent over in the corner with my mom pushing as hard as she could on my tailbone... all in front of strangers. I did not like that one bit. Once I was finally checked in triage, I was about 4 cm dilated and was admitted. Drew and Lindsey arrived and took over for my mom and we were moved to the labor and delivery ward.

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The next six or so hours are kind of a blur. My pain was far too intense to be able to talk through, so every time I'd feel a contraction start- I'd say "push" and either Drew or Lindsey (bless their hearts and their sore, aching hands) would push on my tailbone and my hips to try and help me get through the contraction, and I wouldn't be able to say anything else. I'd just breathe deeply and do my best to find ways to mentally cope with the pain. I went back and forth from doing this in the tub to a standing position, leaning over an exercise ball. It was at some point, deep into the fifth or sixth hour that I had two nasty bouts of doubt. I remember starting to cry between two contractions, telling Drew and Lindsey that I just couldn't go any further. Lindsey, in her sweet, encouraging way, and Drew in his firm, direct way, both wouldn't let me give up. They told me I was doing it and that I would just take it one contraction at a time. Not long after this point, the midwife told me she would check me and would break my water to get things moving along. I was 8 cm and entering transition.

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Then comes the really intense part- the breaking of the waters kicked things into high gear in terms of both intensity and pain. Rather than breathe deeply through this part, I was (in my mind) screaming my head off, but Drew describes the noise as a low, gutteral "animal" noise. An incredibly unpleasant part of transition was that with each contraction, my whole body would dry heave about four times from the pressure. I'm not sure exactly when transition ends and the "pushing" phase begins, but before long, the incredible pain and pressure I felt down there was actually bringing Henry along and I started to feel encouraged as the midwife started setting up her delivery equipment. As the true pushing started, Drew started to become so animated and excited (he'd had a couple of trying moments of exhuastion in the process, as well). He was telling me how great I was doing and that our baby was coming. Drew and the midwife said they saw the top of his head- specifically that he had lots of dark hair (whose baby is in there?! I wondered) and it took probably 15 minutes to push the head out. With the final push of the head, the whole body followed at once and Henry Lawrence Mitchell made his arrival at 12:49 am on 10/14. I think that means I had about 7 hours of early labor, 9-10 hours of active labor, and only about 1 hour of transition and pushing. Drew cut the cord and I held my sweet boy for the first time! Ultimately, all of the pain and struggle brought Henry to us and I felt an incredible sense of accomplishment for making it all the way through. I'm certain I couldn't have done it without Drew and Lindsey and I can't ignore how much they did for me physically, pushing on me with every contraction. Would I do it again without medicine? Ask me again when the memory of the pain has faded a little bit.

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So, there it is. I told you it was long, and thanks for letting me share. It's good for me to recount the events of that night because it will forever be one of the most important days in my life. Thanks be to God for giving us strength in trials.

Baby boy... your room is ready!

Little one, many people have contributed to your nursery with gifts and handmade items to show you how much you are loved. Maybe you should come on out here and see for yourself!

Here's where I'll sleep on maternity leave, so we don't wake up your Daddy seven times a night. Grandma Mitchell sent you this little doggie pillow, because she knows you will be a dog lover. Noni Isaac sewed the green pillow for you, and believe it or not, I sewed the one with the white button on it.

One of your Daddy's favorite songs- and also good advice for your Mommy.

One of my favorite elements in the room- the green glider! This was your grandparents' (Isaac) gift to the nursery, which Noni then recovered in green fabric.

Had to squeeze in a train or two, since I love them

You'll have lots to look at from your crib!

But don't look too closely at the yarn-wrapped letters... they didn't come out exactly as I'd planned...

(And we'll have a first initial soon!)

This beautiful quilt was made by your great Aunt Liz

Here's where you get your tushie wiped... pretty exciting, right?


A closer look: Uncle Toby drew a whole series of pictures of our little family, and I had to frame one.


Last, but certainly not least, Noni made you this amazing quilt with letters and shapes! Maybe it will help you learn the alphabet one day

I'll do my best to keep the riffraff out... but no promises!

Now, all we need is you! And I can't wait until Grandma Mitchell can come out and see everything in person