Splish splash

A reflection on maternity leave/parenthood

Well, here we are- on the precipice of returning to work and the culmination of my two and a half months of maternity leave. I have very mixed feelings about the return to work- I am so excited to see my colleagues again (Hilary, I missed you!), to be intellectually stimulated and to help contribute to our family once again. But I am also very sad to be handing Henry off to a stranger (and fortunately, also his Noni) where he will be fed from bottles and not see my face for 8 hour stretches. The longest we've ever been apart was for 3 hours when I had to submit my fall grades at the beginning of December. I can't help but wonder- will he recognize my face when I pick him up? Will he miss me? I hope so.

It's amazing how becoming a parent has helped Andrew and me assess our own strengths and weaknesses- and how it has challenged us in many ways.

For instance, Andrew has always told me that he wishes he had more patience and that he thinks that it is one of my strengths; I never really thought much of it until I saw it put into practice with Henry. There have been many mornings about 5am when I was bouncing Henry back and forth in what felt like a state of 70% sleep/30% awake for as long as it took for Henry to pass through his digestive troubles.

On the other hand, Drew is completely at ease with a restaurant full of people staring at us when Henry is screaming bloody murder and I completely tense up and want to go bounce him or nurse him somewhere far, far away from judging eyes. Andrew is right, of course- who cares what others think- but for me, as a mother, I'm still trying to build up my confidence in my parenting capabilities and I like doing so without an audience. I still giggle at Andrew's story of trying to go to the restroom with Henry in his arms... there was recollection of Drew scooting through the men's room with his jeans around his knees- trying to get Henry to the changing table so he could have both hands to buckle his belt again (something he didn't really think all the way through when he unbuckled it!) But he came out of that men's room beaming at his first silly fathering mishap, and that's the best way to get through these new, unfamiliar challenges. I must admit, I'm much harder on myself when I do something clunky, and I should work on reacting more like Drew does.

As I might've mentioned, Henry and I moved into the nursery after a few failed attempts to get through the night (and subsequent day) as a family sleeping in the same room. Andrew's days during the football season were sometimes 15+ hours and getting woken up every hour and a half was just not helpful to making it through such long days. But those weeks in the nursery ended up being a very special time for Henry and me. I would put on the same playlist of piano music (and some instrumentals from Little Women) that I used during Henry's labor and birth, and in the dim light of the lamp we would pray and thank God for our safe and beautiful delivery and then sleep-nurse-sleep-nurse, sometimes repeated 7 or 8 times throughout the night until Henry would give me the long, arched stretches that would signal our night was over and our day had begun. I think back to his disheveled hair and his cheeks all pink from the pressure of sleep and I wonder how time can move so slowly yet so quickly all at once. As my friend Alisha told me, with a newborn, the days are long but the time is short- isn't that the truth.

Henry one morning in the nursery

I can't say that I would like to go back and relive the difficulty that accompanies sleep deprivation (and I'm really only getting about 3 hour stretches at most, still), but the memories of the nights in the nursery will forever be a little treasure for me to carry forward into the story of me and my son.

And, those of you who know me well know how much I cherish a good night's sleep and a long, uniterrupted nap- both of which have eluded me since Henry's birth- but I'm learning that being a parent means learning self-sacrifice of which many of us (me especially) have not experienced much at all. I think it is especially difficult for women like me, who have our first child in our late 20s or 30s and have had 3 decades worth of practice of living with our own wills dictating our every move- to have to set aside much of the freedom (at least for awhile) that we are so used to. I never thought I was taking the following things for granted: hopping in the car to run a quick errand, making a sandwich and eating it without interruption, sometimes even having enough time to shampoo my hair!

Life was much easier without Henry, but it was also significantly less rich. I can't wait to see how else having Henry in our lives will deepen our characters and will provide us with more unbuckled pants stories. And I keep trying to remind myself, going back to work doesn't mean my time with my baby is over, just that it will change and, like everything else, we will adjust.

Henry's 8th week: New traditions?

As I mentioned in a previous post, we want to start putting up outside lights during the Thanksgiving break, but really, that will probably end up being a father and son tradition. So I decided that a nice tradition to start- that I could be more involved in- is contributing to Toys for Tots. I'd like Henry to pick out a toy he wants for Christmas and we'll donate it. Obviously, in the beginning, he won't be mature enough to handle giving away his new toy, so we'll probably buy two, but I want him to be joyful in giving to others- and I want him to be thankful for all we have. This year, I picked a train toy (yep!) and my little bear slept through the donation, but there will be many more years for him to place the toy in the pile.

So I initially got my camera out to capture this freshy-bathed babe (in a towel purchased by his Daddy of course)...

But it turned out to be a photo shoot of Henry and his new best friend. Lady has recently decided that this little intruder might be all right after all, and really likes being near Henry, so she popped in the pic unexpectedly to give him a kiss!

She is also very attentive to his cries- she runs right over to lick him and then looks at me as if to say, "He needs our help and licking's not working!"
I love Henry's expression- c'mon Lady, we're in the middle of a photo shoot!

It's amazing how much changes in 8 weeks! Henry is so much more alert and has really increased the baby babble. He makes coos and goos at us and at his toys, and he is really starting to hold his head up on his own. If I have him facing my chest, he'll push off and want to hold his head independent from me and look around.

Other than that, we've really been enjoying the coziness of the Christmas season. We decorated the tree as a family and yesterday we made gingerbread men.


Even as I'm enjoying all of this, I am also starting to mourn the fact that I will be going back to work soon. I love the people I work with and I need to go back, but it will be so hard to give up having Henry 24 hours a day. He's been constantly with me (including the interior) since last January, and I finally understand why moms cry when their children go off to Kindergarten- the bond between parent and child is one that will probably never cease to amaze me. Watch La Vita e Bella if you have any doubt.

Henry: weeks 4-7

I know most of you don't care about Henry's little developments, but there are some very important grandparents on the west coast, and these blogs are created with them in mind.

* * *
Little H has had a busy month!

Henry finally started to take the pacifier in week 5 or so... thank goodness!

Henry started to fill out about this time, and when we went in to the doctor at 1 month, he had just gone through a big growth spurt. I said to the nurse who was weighing him, "I hope he is at least 8.4... that would be a great rate of growth" and she said, "Mama, he's 9.8!" I made her zero out the scale and do it again because I didn't believe her! Here are some 1 month pictures:

Smiles! Henry's smiles went from really short, fleeting, "I'm content" smiles to really long, reactive smiles. He first smiled responsively at Drew, then the next day he did it to me, and now I can get him to smile pretty easily if his eyes are locked on mine. He also loves smiling at his toys (well, for the first 30 minutes, then he seems to get frustrated with them!)

I had to include this "like father, like son" picture. Everyone on Facebook has seen it- but it hasn't lost its charm for me... they had no idea their arms were in the exact same positions!

In other developments, Henry shed most of his dark hair (except for this silly little patch at the back) and the little bit that's left seems to be a light brown color. His eyebrows are still a strawberry blonde color- so we're at a loss to predict what his hair will look like when it actually grows longer. His eyes are still blue at 7 weeks, but we won't know for sure if they will stay blue for a couple more months.

Henry also had his first Thanksgiving! We were able to share it with my folks and my sister-in-law's family, the Morgans. It was a lovely, relaxing day!

In his special outfit- Daddy's favorite!

With Uncle To and Aunt Mo

With Noni and Pawpaw

My favorite kind of butterball :)

Drew and I have never done outside lights since we've been married, and we decided that maybe we should start that tradition now that Henry is here.

Mama is not a fan of seeing Daddy on the angled roof... I just need to go inside and not watch these things.

Henry and Drew laying on his truck, admiring their work

And of course, some kisses for good measure!

And Henry joined our brigade to the Christmas tree farm this year!

I love this beautiful picture of my handsome men!

Next year, he'll be much more into picking the tree!

Hmmm... which one should we get?

Found a good one!

As we enter week 8, Henry is on the verge of giggles. He has solitary "hehs" and "goos" that clearly denote excitement and glee, all he needs to do is put them together in a longer string! He seems to spend a long time each day interacting with his toys. Today, he grabbed a part of his toy and put it in his mouth (uh-oh... time to be vigilant). He is advancing so much during tummy time, too. During two sessions, he kicked off and twisted his bottom half into the air, in an attempt to roll from front to back, and he can lift his head for several seconds at a time, even though he doesn't push up very far off his chest.

* * *

We sure do love our little guy and each little Henry smile produces amplified smiled in his parents :) Ok, I'm pooped. Don't expect me to keep this up when works starts again!

A picture-perfect autumn week

Henry had his first holiday last week- Halloween! Of course he slept through the pictures...

...and through the beautiful autumn walk

He also met his Uncle Toby and Aunt Monica for the first time!

They already love him to pieces!

A picture with Pawpaw

This was our first family picture, and Drew had come straight home from coaching, so he's not too thrilled with out it turned out! Don't worry- there will be many more where that came from

But he loves his baby boy so much

As does his mama

The main development last week was with his hands; he started grabbing my hair and holding it tight in his fists, and will sort of bat at a toy with his hand if it's close enough.

And since he's currently sleeping... I'm going to try and grab a nap, too!